What Do Divorce Mediators Do?
A divorce mediator is a neutral third party who helps both spouses reach their own agreements about the issues in their divorce — without going to court. Here is what the process involves and what to expect.
The Mediator's Role
A divorce mediator does not decide anything for the parties. That is the key distinction between mediation and litigation: in mediation, the parties make the decisions themselves, with the mediator's help. In litigation, a judge makes the decisions.
The mediator's job is to create the conditions in which both parties can have productive, structured conversations about the issues they need to resolve — finances, property, parenting, and anything else relevant to their situation.
A mediator is not an advocate for either party and does not provide legal advice to either party. They facilitate the process — keeping sessions on track, helping clarify issues, managing communication between parties, and helping parties explore options they may not have considered.
What Issues Mediation Covers
Divorce mediation can cover any issue that needs to be resolved in the divorce. Common topics include:
- •Division of marital assets (real estate, bank accounts, investments, retirement accounts, personal property)
- •Division of marital debts
- •Spousal support (alimony) — whether it is appropriate, the amount, and the duration
- •Child custody and parenting time arrangements
- •Child support calculations and agreements
- •The marital home — selling, one spouse buying out the other, or other arrangements
- •Tax considerations related to the divorce
How Mediation Differs from Going to Court
| Mediation | Litigation |
|---|---|
| Parties make their own decisions | A judge makes the decisions |
| Private — sessions are confidential | Court proceedings are public record |
| Generally faster than court | Court timelines can extend for months or years |
| Generally less expensive than litigation | Attorney and court fees can be substantial |
| Cooperative process | Adversarial process |
| More flexible outcomes | Judge bound by law, less flexibility |
Mediation is not appropriate in all situations. Cases involving domestic violence, significant power imbalances, or inability to negotiate in good faith may require different approaches. Consult a qualified attorney to understand what process is right for your situation.
What Happens in a Mediation Session
The format of mediation sessions varies by mediator and case, but a typical process looks like this:
Initial consultation
The mediator meets with one or both parties to understand the situation, explain the process, and determine if mediation is appropriate.
Information gathering
The mediator (and often the parties) gather the financial and other information relevant to the issues being resolved. This is where organized financial information significantly reduces session time.
Joint sessions
Both parties meet with the mediator to discuss issues, explore options, and work toward agreement. The mediator keeps the conversation structured and productive.
Caucuses
Sometimes the mediator meets with each party separately to understand their underlying interests, reality-test positions, or have candid conversations that are more difficult in a joint session.
Drafting agreements
When the parties reach agreement on issues, the mediator typically drafts a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) or similar document summarizing what was agreed. This is generally then reviewed by each party's attorney before being filed with the court.
Final documentation
The MOU or Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA) is typically incorporated into the final divorce decree.
How to Prepare for Mediation
The most useful thing you can do before mediation is organize your financial information. Clients who arrive with a clear picture of their income, assets, and debts can spend their session time on actual decisions rather than on gathering data.
Preparation also means understanding your own priorities — not just what you want, but why you want it, and which issues are most important to you. This helps the mediator facilitate conversations that lead somewhere.
Do You Need an Attorney in Mediation?
Mediators do not provide legal advice. Most mediation professionals strongly recommend that each party have their own attorney — not necessarily to attend sessions, but to advise them independently throughout the process. This is sometimes called "attorney-assisted" or "attorney-supported" mediation.
An attorney can help you understand your legal rights before you agree to anything, review draft agreements before they are signed, and advise on issues specific to your state's laws. The cost of limited attorney consultation is generally much lower than full litigation representation.
Prepare for your mediation sessions
Divorce Navigator helps you organize your finances, documents, and information before your first mediation session — so you can focus on the decisions, not the data gathering.
Related Resources
How to Organize Your Finances for Divorce
Practical steps to prepare your financial information.
Divorce Mediation Software
Technology tools for professional divorce mediators.
Request a Consultation
Speak with Adriatic Mediation about your situation.
How Assets and Debts Are Divided
Understanding property division in divorce.